Suzy B Software 2/Suzy B Software CD-ROM 2 (1994).iso/bootup/boot_a2m/fortun12/fortunes.asc

Text File | 1995-05-02 | 51KB | 881 lines

"Compatible":  Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
"Machine-independent":  Does not run on any existing machine.
"Portable":  Survives system reboot.
1 bull, 3 cows.
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
Any program which runs right is obsolete.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature.
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
Avoid temporary variables and strange women.
Brain fried -- core dumped.
Death is a nonmaskable interrupt.
Disc space -- the final frontier!
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Don't let the computer bugs bite!
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
Help!  I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
How was Thomas J. Watson buried?  9 edge down.
I am a computer -- dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
If God had intended Man to program, we'd be born with serial I/O ports.
If a program is useful, it must be changed.
If a program is useless, it must be documented.
If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
It's ten o'clock; do you know where your processes are?
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
LISP:  To call a spade a thpade.
Last one out, turn off the computer!
Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
Manual Writer's Creed:  Garbage in, gospel out.
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.  --Steinbach
Nice computers don't go down.
No program done by a hacker will work unless he is on the system.
No program done by an undergrad will work after she graduates.
Old programmers never die; they just branch to a new address.
On a clear disk, you can seek forever.
One of the nice things about standards is that there are so many of them.
One person's error is another person's data.
Programmers do it bit by bit.
Programming just with goto's is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer.
Protect your software at all costs -- all else is meat.
Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Save energy:  Drive a smaller shell.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
The program is absolutely right; therefore, the computer must be wrong.
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go.
This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
This screen intentionally left blank.
Those who can, do.  Those who cannot, teach.  Those who cannot teach, HACK!
To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
What this country needs is a good five-cent microcomputer.
Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
You know it's going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
You may have mail.
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.  --Brook
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
All the simple programs have been written, and all the good names taken.
Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).
Avoid unnecessary branches.
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
Choose variable names that won't be confused.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.  --Gilb
Computers talk to each other worse than their designers do.
Design a system any fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
Don't diddle code to make it faster; find a better algorithm.
Don't document the program; program the document.
Don't stop at one bug.
Every bug you find is the last one.
Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.
In God we trust; all else we walk through.
Know Thy User.
Let the machine do the dirty work.
Make input easy to proofread.
Make it right before you make it faster.
Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
Make sure comments and code agree.
Make sure your code "does nothing" gracefully.
Never write software that anthropomorphizes the machine.
Never write software that patronizes the user.
Performance is easier to add than clarity.
Remember:  10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.
The first version always gets thrown away.
The less time planning, the more time programming.
The wise person writes bomb-proof code.
There are always at least two ways to program the same thing.
There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
There can never be a computer language in which you can't write a bad program.
There's no problem which, when programmed just right, isn't more complicated.
Try not to let implementation details sneak into design documents.
UNIX is many things to many people, but it's never been everything to anybody.
Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
Use IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE... to implement multi-way branches.
Use free-form input where possible.
Watch out for off-by-one errors.
You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
A gift of flower will soon be made to you.
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
Above all things, reverence yourself.
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
Courage is your greatest present need.
Do not overtax your powers.
Don't despair; your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
Everyone is enthusiastic about your work.
Flee at once, all is discovered.
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
Long life is in store for you.
Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
The time is right to make new friends.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
You are going to have a new love affair.
You fill a much-needed gap.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
You have taken yourself too seriously.
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
"All new":  Parts not interchangeable with previous model.
"Define UNIVERSE; give two examples." "The perceived world; 1) mine, 2) yours."
"Foolproof operation":  No provision for adjustment.
"New":  Different color from previous model.
"No maintenance":  Impossible to fix.
"One size fits all":  Doesn't fit anyone.
"Rugged":  Too heavy to lift.
28.35 grams of prevention are worth 0.45359 kilograms of cure.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance from Mom.
A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
A king's castle is his home.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
A man who fishes for marlin in ponds will put his money in Etruscan bonds.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A man without a woman is like a fish without gills.
A penny saved has not been spent.
A soft drink turneth away company.
A truly wise person never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
Academy:  A modern school where football is taught.
Actors will happen in the best-regulated families.
Admiration:  Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Adult:  A person that has stopped growing at both ends but not in the middle.
All in all it's just another brick in the wall...
All probabilities are really 50%.  Either a thing will happen or it won't.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Ambiguity means telling the truth when you don't mean to.
Amoebit:  Amoeba/rabbit cross; it can multiply and divide at the same time.
Among economists, the real world is often a special case. --Horngren
An example of hard water is ice.
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
Any landing you can walk away from is a good one.
Any smoothly functioning technology is indistinguishable from a "rigged" demo.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, and pay only station-to-station rates.
Babies can't walk because their legs aren't long enough to reach the ground.
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.
Blessed are they that run around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.
Charity:  A thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
Chemicals:  Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
CodeHead Technologies: a cure for the common code.
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
Conservative:  One who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
Consultant:  Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can't get a date.
Death:  To stop sinning suddenly.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines on them and makes them perspire.
Diplomacy:  The art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
Don't get stuck in a closet; wear yourself out.
Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
Don't use no double negatives, not never.
Don't worry; the brontosaurus is slow, stupid, and placid.
Ducks?  What ducks??
Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- Film at eleven.
Education helps earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
"Endive!  Endive!  Remember that!  Endive!  Endive!  Endive!" --Dan Quayle
Enjoy life; you could have been a barnacle.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Everything is actually everything else, just recycled.
Everything worthwhile is mandatory, prohibited, or taxed.
Everything you know is wrong!
Exercise extends your life ten years, but you spend 15 of them doing it.
Federal Reserve:  A reserve where federal employees hunt wild game.
Fidelity:  A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
Flying is the second greatest experience known to man.  Landing is the first.
Fossil flowers come from the Petrified Florist.
Friends:  People who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.
Friends:  People who know you well, but like you anyway.
Genius is the infinite capacity for picking brains.
Give me a lever long enough, and a place to stand, and I'll break my lever.
Government expands to fill the available revenue, and then some.
Graft:  An illegal means of uniting trees to make money.
Grasshoppotamus:  A creature that can leap to tremendous heights... once.
Gravity is what you get when you eat too much and too fast.
Having children will turn you into your parents.
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
He who dies with the most toys, wins.
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
He who invents adages to peruse takes along rowboat when going on cruise.
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
Heat expands: in the summer the days are longer.
Heisenberg may have been here.
Hindsight is an exact science.
How do they get all those little metal bits on a zipper to line up so well?
How long is a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
Humor is the best antidote to reality.
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.
I like work; it fascinates me.  I can sit and look at it for hours.
I love my job; it's the work I can't stand.
I will never lie to you.
I'm a Hollywood writer, so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
I've already told you more than I know.
If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
If at first you don't succeed, you probably didn't really care anyway.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
If one hundred people do a foolish thing, one will become injured.
If the ship's not sinking, the rats must be the ones not leaving.
If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
If we knew what the hell we were doing, then it wouldn't be research.
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
Ignore previous fortune.
Imports are ports very far inland.
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
Institute:  An archaic school where football is not taught.
Interchangeable parts won't.
Is it time for lunch yet?
Is this really happening?
It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.
It is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, than vice versa.
It seems to make an auto driver mad if she misses you.
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
It's better to have loved and lost -- much better.
It's better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
It's better to wear out than to rust out.
It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
It's hell to work for a nervous boss, especially if you're why he's nervous!
It's later than you think.
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
Just when you get going, someone injects a dose of reality with a large needle.
Keep the pointy end forward and the dirty side down.
LSD soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess reality.
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Liberal:  Someone too poor to be a capitalist and too rich to be a communist.
Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
Life is like a fountain... I'll tell you how when I figure it out.
Life is like a sewer... What you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
Life is like an analogy.
Life without caffeine is stimulating enough.
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree, that smells AWFUL.
Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
Love does not make the world go around, just up and down a bit.
Maintain thy airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee.
Male zebras have white stripes, but female zebras have black stripes.
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Modesty:  Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.
Momentum is what you give a person when they are going away.
Mountain range:  A cooking stove used at high altitudes.
Never give an inch!
Never verb your nouns.
No guts, no glory.
No matter what goes wrong, there's always someone who knew it would.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Nostalgia just isn't what it used to be.
Now and then an innocent person is sent to the Legislature.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
Omniscience:  Talking only about things you know about.
One Bell System -- it sometimes works.
One thing leads to another, and usually does.
Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
Packrat's credo:  "I have no use for it, but I hate to see it go to waste."
Parallel lines never meet unless you bend one or both of them.
Paranoia:  A healthy understanding of the nature of the universe.
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
Politics consists of deals and ideals.
Professor:  One who talks in someone else's sleep.
Proximity isn't everything, but it comes close.
Puritan:  Someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.
Quack!
Quark!  Quark!  Beware the quantum duck!
Quinine is the bark of a tree; canine is the bark of a dog.
Quit working and play for once!
Reality is for people who can't deal with drugs.
Science is material.  Religion is immaterial.
Scotty, beam me up a double!
Serendipity:  The process by which human knowledge is advanced.
She walks as if balancing the family tree on her nose.
Sign on bank:  "FREE BOTTLE OF CHIVAS WITH EVERY MILLION-DOLLAR DEPOSIT."
Spinster:  A bachelor's wife.
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
Strategy is when you keep firing so the enemy doesn't know you're out of ammo.
System-independent:  Works equally poorly on all systems.
Telepathy:  Knowing what people think when really they don't think at all.
That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.
The Pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous.
The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
The early worm gets the late bird.
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
The following statement is not true...
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
The law of gravity was enacted by the British Parliament.
The one who says it can't be done should never interrupt the one doing it.
The only difference between your girlfriend and a barracuda is the nailpolish.
The prairies are vast plains covered by treeless forests.
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made men think.
The wind blows harder in the summer so the sun sets later.
The zebra is chiefly used to illustrate the letter Z.
There's a vas deferens between men and women.
There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
There's no room in the drug world for amateurs.
There's no time like the pleasant.
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
This fortune is encrypted -- get your decoder rings ready!
This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
This is a good time to punt work.
Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
To err is human.  To blame someone else for your errors is even more human.
To keep milk from turning sour you should keep it in the cow.
Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.
Today is the last day of the past of your life.
Tomorrow looks like a good day to sleep in.
Too much is not enough.
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
Truthful:  Dumb and illiterate.
Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
Two is not equal to three, even for large values of two.
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."  --Dan Quayle
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
Volcano:  A mountain with hiccups.
Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
We'll have solar energy when the power companies develop a sunbeam meter.
What a waste it is to lose one's mind, or not to have had a mind... -Dan Quayle
What happens when you cut back the jungle?  It recedes.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.
When evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.
When in doubt, lead trump.
When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
When working hard, be sure to get up and retch every so often.
When you breathe you inspire.  When you do not breathe you expire.
When you've seen one non-sequitar, the price of tea in China.
When you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
Where is Denver?  Denver is just below the O in Colorado.
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
Yo-yo:  Something occasionally up but normally down (see also "computer").
You are young only once, but you have a lifetime to be immature.
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
You can rent this profound space for only $5 a week.
You can't have everything.  Where would you put it?
You could be playing a video game instead.
You have been selected for a secret mission.
You now have Asian Flu.
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
You're not paranoid if they're really after you...
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
A clash of doctrine is not a disaster; it is an opportunity.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A hammer sometimes misses its mark; a bouquet, never.
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
A page of history is worth a volume of logic.
A person forgives only when he is in the wrong.
A person paints with his brains and not with his hands.
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
A problem found by appraisal must be found and fixed each time it occurs.
A problem found by solution is gone forever.
A standard that no one follows is worse than useless; it is a waste of time.
Ad astra per aspera.  (To the stars by aspiration.)
Adde parvum parvo magnus acervus erit.  (Add little to little, get big pile.)
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
All obstacles not foreseen will be tripped over.
America's best buy for a nickel is a telephone call to the right person.
An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.
Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
Anger kills.
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
Any illusion requires both time and space to be experienced.
As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, if God won't have you, the devil must.
Auribus teneo lupum.  (I hold a wolf by the ears.)
Avoidable complexity should indeed be avoided.
Before buying a piece of property, walk around its perimeter.
Being right is seldom enough.  Even the best ideas must be packaged and sold.
Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.  --Chinese proverb
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
Beware the wrath of a patient person.
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?  Yes, work never begun.
Capitalism is the exploitation of one man by another; socialism is the reverse.
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
Children become ready for toilet training and independence at the same time.
Consider all outcomes before taking a step, and spend your life on one leg.
Constant reorganization is the hallmark of a dynamic organization.
Courage is grace under pressure.
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing.
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
Death is just nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Death is the one experience which we cannot put in perspective afterwards.
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
Do not think by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
Do, or do not; there is no try.
Don't confuse things that need action with those that take care of themselves.
Don't kid yourself.  Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
Don't teach your children what to think; just teach them to think. --Tannenbaum
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
Every absurdity has a champion to defend it.
Every erroneous inference involves admitting insufficient evidence as data.
Every purchase has its price.
Everybody ought to have a friend.
Everyone stays busy keeping other people busy.
Everything expands to fill the available space.
Extraordinary people use their wisdom to avoid the need for their skill.
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
Faith is that quality which enables us to believe what we know to be untrue.
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
Fighting for peace is like making love for virginity.
Find time to work smarter.
Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
God may be subtle, but she isn't plain mean.
Greatness is a transitory experience.  It is never consistent.
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
Happy-go-lucky people can only be happy when they are lucky.
Having no security is better than thinking you have security when you don't.
He is considered a most graceful speaker who can say nothing in the most words.
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
He who hates vices hates mankind.
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
He who laughs, lasts.
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
Honesty is better than lying.
How you look depends on where you go.
Humans are not rational beings; they are rationalizing beings.
I don't make much sense because the rest of the world doesn't either.
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.
If the master dies and the disciple grieves, the lives of both have been wasted.
If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
If you ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
If you can distinguish between good and bad advice, you don't need advice.
If you can't tell the difference, there is no difference.
If you can't write it right, you can't think it right.
If you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't go anywhere.
If you haven't time to do it right now, how will you redo it right later?
If you seem to know what you are doing, you'll be given more to do.
If you suspect a person, don't employ him.
If you're happy, you're successful.
Ignorance:  When you don't know anything, and someone else finds out.
Information that is hard to access is worth less than none at all.
Integrity has no need for rules.
It's a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
It's amazing how much one person can do, little by little, over time.
It's better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
It's difficult to be depressed while you're doing something.
It's difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame.
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
It's easier to run down a hill than up one.
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
It's the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
Knowledge is better than ignorance.
Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest.
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
Lend money to a bad debtor and she will hate you.
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
Leveraging always beats prototyping.
Liar:  One who tells an unpleasant truth.
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
Life is not a dress rehersal.
Life is the urge to ecstasy.
Life need not be a zero-sum game.
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
Live with grace.
Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Making rules is easy, but living by them is virtually impossible.
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
Many are called; few volunteer.
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
Many pages make a thick book.
Many receive advice; few profit from it.
May you live all the days of your life.
Memory should be the starting point of the present.
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
Never assume villany when mere incompetence suffices.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Never insult an alligator until you have crossed the river.
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.
Never offend with style when you can offend with substance.
Never trust anyone who says money is no object.
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
No one understands anything that isn't funny.
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
No question is so difficult as that to which the answer is obvious.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
Non Illegitemus Carborundum.  (Don't let the bastards wear you down.)
Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.
Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.
One meets her destiny often on the road she takes to avoid it.
One of these days is none of these days.
One person tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
People only notice squeaky wheels.
Philosophy:  Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
Pictures worth a thousand words take ten thousand times as long to draw.
Possessions create pain.
Power is poison.
Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance.
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
Religions revolve madly around sexual questions.
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
Simple jobs always get put off because there will be time to do them later.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
Slang:  Language that doffs its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
Some of us learn from other peoples' errors.  The rest must be the other people.
Sometimes it takes wisdom to stop beating your head against the wall.
Success is a journey, not a destination.
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
The answers to prayers are usually found in those who pray.
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
The best prophet of the future is the past.
The biggest mistake is not learning from all your other mistakes.
The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
The door is the key.
The effort required to correct your course increases exponentially with time.
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
The future isn't what it used to be.  (It never was.)
The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
The human mind seeks to resolve internal conflict, even by false means.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
The life which is unexamined is not worth living.
The mosquito exists to keep the mighty humble.
The most wasted day of all is that in which we have not laughed.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
The only feeling warmer than friendship is that of an old love.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
The person who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
The plural of spouse is spice.
The price of greatness is responsibility.
The root purpose of government is to enable public goods.
The smallest of good deeds exceeds the greatest of good intentions.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
The speed of anything depends on the flow of everything.
The speed of light is defined to be EXACTLY 299,792,458 meters per second.
The three best ways to get where you want to go are:  persist, persist, persist.
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
There are old pilots, and bold pilots, but there are no old bold pilots.
There is safety in anonymity.
There's no heavier burden than a great potential.
There's no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
There's no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
Those who know, do not say; those who say, do not know.
Those who talk don't know.  Those who don't talk, know.
Time and tide wait for no man.
To criticize the incompetent is easy; to criticize the competent is harder.
To extend your limits, you must push them... and it often hurts.
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
To teach is to learn.
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
Two men look out through the same bars; one sees mud, and one the stars.
Use it or lose it.
Use the simplest solution which suffices.
Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
We all have style, but few have class.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
We do not remember days; we remember moments.
What awful irony is this?  We are as gods, but know it not.
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
When cutting down trees, remember to pause now and then to sharpen your axe.
When sex is good, it's only 2% of a marriage; but when it's bad, it's 98%.
When the need arises, anything within reach becomes a hammer.
When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to it.
Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
With clothes the new are best; with friends the old are best.
Words are the voice of the heart.
Words must be weighed, not counted.
You always find what you're looking for in the last place you look.
You may not be responsible for falling down, but you are for getting back up.
You only live once but, if you live right, once is enough.
You're almost as happy as you think you are.
Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
Youth is the trustee of posterity.
...context...  --Manny Farber
A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper. --Dyer
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.  --Klipstein
A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.  --Patton
A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.  --Creighton
A man must not swallow more beliefs than he can digest.  --Havelock Ellis
A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms.  --George Wald
A system meant for common use should rarely need uncommon knowledge.  --Redford
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.  --Ziggy
Absolutum obsoletum.  (If it works, it's out of date.)  --Stafford Beer
All great discoveries are made by mistake.  --Young
All laws are simulations of reality.  --John C. Lilly
All life evolves by the differential survival of replicating entities. -Dawkins
All the good ones are taken.  --Harris
All we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.  --Hegel
All you need to know is the user interface.  --J. Redford
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.  --Booker
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.  --Van Roy
And that's the way it is...  --Walter Cronkite
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.  --Harris
Any smoothly functioning technology will have the appearance of magic. --Clarke
Anyone can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error.  --Cicero
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.  --Weisert
Be sure your ladder of success is leaning against the right wall.  --Dobson
Behaviorism is the art of pulling habits out of rats.  --O'Neill
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.  --Goethe
Better clean death than dirty life.  --Frank Herbert
Business will be either better or worse.  --Calvin Coolidge
Chastity:  The most unnatural of the sexual perversions.  --Aldous Huxley
Computers... are not designed, as we are, for ambiguity.  --Thomas
Continental Life.  Why do you ask?
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
Do not merely believe in miracles; rely on them.  --Finagle
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
Don't Worry, Be Happy.  --Meher Baba
Don't eat the yellow snow.
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.  --Anthony
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.  --Spock
Draw a circle around your love and hate will walk the line.  --Hugh Prather
Eeny, Meeny, Jelly Beanie, the spirits are about to speak...
Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.  --Blaauw
Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness. --Beckett
Everybody has something to conceal.  --Humphrey Bogart
Everyone is in the best seat.  --John Cage
Everything changes but change itself.   --John F. Kennedy
Exceptions prove the rule, and wreck the budget.  --Miller
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Experience:  Something you don't get until just after you need it.  --Olivier
Fill what's empty; empty what's full; scratch where it itches. --Longworth
Finagle's Law:  The perversity of the universe tends toward a maximum.
Find an aim in life before you run out of ammunition.  --Arnold Glasow
Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  --Scotti
For a good time, call 555-3100.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.  --Harrison
For every complex problem there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.
Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
God does not play dice with the universe.  --Albert Einstein
God is the tangential point between zero and infinity.  --Alfred Jarry
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man.
Hard reality has a way of cramping your style.  --Daniel Dennett
Hate the sin and love the sinner.  --Mahatma Gandhi
He who is still laughing hasn't yet heard the bad news.  --Bertolt Brecht
He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder.  --M. C. Escher
Houston, Tranquillity Base here.  The Eagle has landed.  --Neil Armstrong
How long should a man's legs be?  Long enough to reach the ground.  --Lincoln
Humans are communications junkies.  We just can't get enough.  --Alan Kay
I don't make the rules, Gil, I only play the game.  --Cash McCall
I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth.  --Neil Armstrong
I suppose when it gets to that point, we shan't know how it does it.  --Turing
I think we're all Bozos on this bus.
I want to achieve immortality through not dying.  --Woody Allen
I'm in Pittsburgh.  Why am I here?  --Harold Urey
If it works, don't fix it.  --Sam Rayburn
If we don't survive, we don't do anything else.  --John Sinclair
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.  --Truman
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.  --Schmidt
If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.  --Maslow
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.  --Wright
If you've seen one redwood you've seen them all.  --Ronald Reagan
Imagination is more important than knowledge.  --Einstein
In success there's a tendency to keep on doing what you were doing.  --Alan Kay
Innovation is hard to schedule.  --Dan Fylstra
Intolerance is a state no tolerant man can tolerate.  --McGinley
It is not honest to be tactful.  --Robert Taft
It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca.
It's all in your mind, you know...
It's easier to apologize than to ask permission.  --Stewart
It's easier to take it apart than to put it back together.  --Washlesky
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Life begins at the centerfold and expands outward.  --Miss November, 1966
Life is the childhood of our immortality.  --Goethe
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.  --J. Lennon
Logic doesn't apply to the real world.  --Marvin Minsky
Love truth, pardon error.  --Voltaire
Man belongs wherever he wants to go.  --Wernher von Braun
Man is the measure of all things.  --Protagoras
Man's reach must exceed his grasp, for why else the heavens?
May you live in interesting times.  --Chinese curse
Measure with a micrometer; mark with chalk; cut with an axe.  --Ray
Meeting:  Gathering where the minutes are kept and the hours lost.  --Gourd
Minds are like parachutes; they only function when fully open. --Sir James Dewar
Most people deserve each other.  --Shirley
Neckties strangle clear thinking.  --Lin Yutang
Never buy from a rich salesman.  --Goldenstern
Never volunteer for anything.  --Lackland
No man is good enough to govern another without that others' consent. --Lincoln
No matter what we are talking about, we are talking about ourselves.  --Prather
No one really knows the detailed workings of everything around them.  --Redford
No one understands everything, and no one needs to.  --J. Redford
Nobody can make you feel inferior without consent.  --Eleanor Roosevelt
Nonsense.  Space is blue and birds fly through it.  --Heisenberg
Nothing can be done in one trip.  --Snider
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.  --Weller
Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
One big pile is better than two little piles.  --Arlo Guthrie
One more such victory, and we are lost.  --Pyrrus
Only that in you which is me can hear what I'm saying.  --Baba Ram Dass
Pauca sed matura.  (Few but excellent.)  --Gauss
People think love is an emotion.  Love is good sense.  --Ken Kesey
People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten.  --Jon Bentley
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.  --Lewis
Possessions increase to fill the space available for their storage.  --Ryan
Real wealth can only increase.  --R. Buckminster Fuller
Remember that there is an outside world to see and enjoy.  --Hans Liepmann
Remember them as they were and write them off.  --Ernest Hemingway
Rotten wood cannot be carved.  --Confucius (Analects, Book 5, Ch. 9)
Say no, then negotiate.  --Helga
Space is to place as eternity is to time.  --Joseph Joubert
Space tells matter how to move and matter tells space how to curve.  --Wheeler
Spock:  We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
Sturgeon's Law:  Ninety percent of everything is crud.
Take what you can use and let the rest go by.  --Kesey
Technology is no more of a problem now than it has always been.  --J. Redford
That which is incapable of proof itself is not proof of anything else. -Shelley
That's one small step for a man; one giant leap for mankind.  --Neil Armstrong
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
The Universe is populated by stable things.  --Richard Dawkins
The best laid plans of mice and men are usually about equal.  --Blair
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.  --Ehrlich
The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.  --Anne Morrow Lindberg
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible.
The only food for thought is more thought.  --Peter Ustinov
The only problem with seeing too much is that it makes you insane.  --Phaedrus
The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.  --Bohr
The optimum committee has no members.  --Norman Augustine
The present time has one advantage over every other.  It is our own.  --Colton
The race is not always to the swift... but that's the way to bet.  --Runyon
The real geniuses simply have their bright ideas closer together.  -Lichtenburg
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.  --Peer
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.  --Stenderup
The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless.  --Hosea Ballou
The universe is laughing behind your back.
The universe seems neither benign nor hostile, merely indifferent.  --Sagan
The unknown always passes for the marvelous.  --Tacitus
There are no accidents whatsoever in the universe.  --Baba Ram Dass
There are no answers, only cross-references.  --Weiner
There is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.  --Russell
There is nothing new except what has been forgotten.  --Marie Antoinette
There seems no plan because it is all plan.  --C. S. Lewis
There's a whole WORLD in a mud puddle!  --Doug Clifford
They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.  --Eisenhower
Think globally; act locally.  --Rene Dubos
Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself.  --Plato
Those who learn nothing from history are doomed to repeat it.  --Santayana
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.  --Henry David Thoreau
To communicate is the beginning of understanding.  --AT&T
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.  --Thomas Edison
To love is wise; to hate is foolish.  --Bertrand Russell
Too clever is dumb.  --Ogden Nash
Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore!
Truly simple systems ... require infinite testing.  --Norman Augustine
Two wrongs are only the beginning.  --Kohn
Values are caught, not taught.  --Dobson
Virtue is its own punishment.  --Denniston
We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it.  --Whole Earth Catalog
We are all worms.  But I do believe I am a glowworm.  --Winston Churchill
We are anthill men upon an anthill world.  --Ray Bradbury
We are what we pretend to be.  --Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
We can embody the truth, but we cannot know it.  --Yates
We can't change, but we can expand.  --Nelson
We could do that, but it would be wrong, that's for sure.  --Richard Nixon
We don't know who discovered water, but we're certain it wasn't a fish.
We have lingered long enough on the shores of the Cosmic Ocean.  --Carl Sagan
What a strange game.  The only winning move is not to play.  --WOPR, War Games
What excuses stand in your way?  How can you eliminate them?  --Roger von Oech
What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true.  --John Lilly
What we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence.  --Wittgenstein
When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.  --Lynch
When you don't talk, things get awfully quiet.  --Martha Hartly
Where pain predominates, agony can be a valued teacher.  --Frank Herbert
Why doesn't everybody leave everybody else the hell alone?  --Jimmy Durante
Work expands to fill the time allotted to it.  --Parkinson
You are a wish to be here wishing yourself.  --Philip Whalen
You are the only authority on what is best for you.  --Hugh Prather
You can always pick up your needle and move to another groove.  --Tim Leary
You can never do just one thing.  --Hardin
You can't fall off the floor.  --Paul
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.  --Thoreau
You never gain something but that you lose something.  --Thoreau
You'll find it all at Greeley Mall.  --Radio advertisement
Your check is in the mail.